Remember, then, that if you attribute freedom to things by nature dependent and take what belongs to others for your own, you will be hindered, you will lament, you will be disturbed, you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you take for your own only that which is your own and view what belongs to others just as it really is, then no one will ever compel you, no one will restrict you; you will find fault with no one, you will accuse no one, you will do nothing against your will; no one will hurt you, you will not have an enemy, nor will you suffer any harm. - Epictetus, Enchiridion

Modern behavioral therapy strategies and ancient philosophical maxims are strikingly similar. Lately, I’ve been challenged in therapy to be a better friend to myself, a concept I believe Epictetus would endorse and one that does not come naturally to me. To attack this personal inclination my therapist encouraged me to complete daily thought records and to write to the child within myself, also known as: the little g.

The course of treatment that I am pursuing combines four disciplines: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Stoic Philosophy, and the Feldenkrais Method, “a system of physical exercise that aims to improve human functioning by increasing self-awareness through movement.” I’ve studied each of these disciplines individually, but never attempted to combine them into a workable therapy for my own personal recovery. Each discipline helps with a particular area of my life:

• CBT - lets me attack negative automatic thoughts.

• DBT - allows me to be okay with certain thoughts that just won’t go away.

• Stoicism - focuses my attention on the bigger picture of my life.

• Feldenkrais Method

  • A key principle is that every movement should be done with enough control to reverse the movement at any time. As a practice, it slows me down, which is one area of life that I have difficulty doing.

After reviewing my thought records from last week, my therapist critiqued that the tone of my writing was quite rude, and I’ve been focused on writing in a nicer tone to myself. I find it incredible how drastically the mind can change in the depths of a depression. At the end of this post you’ll find a video recap from a presentation I gave in Baltimore this past summer entitled “Coaching Agile Minds”. The advice I gave was the same advice I was incapable of following just a month an a half ago.

It is rough when you are, if not a friend to yourself, not even cordial to yourself. When I’m depressed, I find it a herculean lift to be nice to myself, and the written thought records from the past few weeks have given me an opportunity to craft pleasantly worded messages to little g.

How do you speak to yourself? What is the philosophy of your daily life? Could you be kinder to the child within you?