Someone I trust told me that I was one of the most capable persons they know. I appreciated the compliment, but there are plenty of days when I feel like the least-capable person on this planet.

I am fiercely insecure about the quality of my work. Always have been, and it’s something I’m working on changing about myself. I take a great deal of pride in my ability to write quality articles, host informative webinars, and create memorable eLearning courses, but I put far too much stock in what I do and not who I am. There is this burning need to be constantly accomplishing something. To have others praise my productivity — that is the high I’m constantly hunting!

Which makes resigning from my job a somewhat odd decision, especially during our world-wide quarantine and so many things up in the air. Thing is, I’ve spent most of my adult life putting my mental health second to work, and now that I finally have my mind in the healthiest spot it’s ever been in, I do not want to back. I resigned because I was isolating, eating terribly, sleeping badly, and not doing the daily things that keep me in good health; physically and mentally. I was overly focused on what I wasn’t able to accomplish at my job, and trapped in an anxious cycle that was keeping me in bed out of pure fear.

Not the way I want to live my life, so I chose to take a risk and start my search for stable employment that will also do my mind right.

This is a worthwhile opportunity for me to step back and evaluate the how of my life. The process by which I attend each day, and to make sure that I do what I must to keep myself healthy first.

Writing on this blog will certainly continue (not sure what I would do if I didn’t have the soothing balm of the written word to apply to my psyche), and I am on the hunt for employment that offers more human connection than my previous one. I learned years ago that while I’m good at web development, I hate it. I’ve now learned that while I’m quite good at instructional design, I like to interact with people more than I like being in front of a screen. Forge connections, build new bonds, and see where the relationships take me.

Yikes, I may need to return my introvert card!

In all seriousness — I spent this past winter getting my brain shocked, attending group and individual therapy, and making some great friendships while in treatment; all in the pursuit of a healthier mind. I found a way to that mind, but it wasn’t just me. It was the people I engaged with that helped me just as much as the doctors. Because of these people and experiences, I re-enrolled at Kennesaw State University so I can complete my BS in Psychology and then pursue graduate school to become a licensed professional counselor.

I want to work with people, and it feels good to be on a path that will lead me to the work I most want to do.