Just before Christmas in 2019 I finished the treatment protocol for ECT. I was still on short-term disability, still going to live in an adult residential living facility, and still facing at least sixty days of a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy treatment protocol. My recovery was just starting, but I was deeply relieved to wake up with the smallest of smiles on my face.

A number of people asked me if I really feel different after having reached the therapeutic number of treatments from Electroconvulsive Therapy. I keep repeating the same answer: I am stunned at how much better I feel and how drastically my depressed thoughts have decreased.

Thoughts of suicide have all but disappeared, and friends of mine in treatment have remarked at how much lighter I look and act. While I’ve never been one to dance with a zest for life, I’m feeling the itch to tap my feet. It’s a great feeling to feel more than myself, and this experience has shown me just how hard each day was before the ECT. I didn’t realize how tough I had to be every single day. Now I wake up and I feel excited for what could happen.

Before this treatment, when I woke up I had to motivate myself just to swing my legs out from under the covers. Just imagine how difficult it was for me to step into the shower or my car. Now I wake, pull up a guided meditation on YouTube, and start my day with positive affirmations. If you’d like to start your day with a heaping dollop of positive energy, I recommend listening to the video by Louise Hay that I embedded into this post.

My doctor said that my treatment yesterday would be my second to last procedure. Next Friday I’ll have a seizure induced for the final time in this treatment series. Depending on what symptoms arise, I may need maintenance treatments in the future, spaced out over a few months or years. The only thing that I’m upset about is that I never had ECT done before now. The treatment is used when everything else hasn’t worked, and it isn’t like I just took medication and expected to feel better. I did a significant amount of work on myself to boost the efficacy of the medication I took, and all that work still was not enough to protect me from my diseased brain.

I feel incredible, and I am purposefully slowing myself down. There is no need to rush back into my life at the first signs of feeling better. Instead, I am following the expert medical opinion of my treatment team. I will complete the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) track at the residential treatment facility at which I’m staying. During the 90-day track, I will continue to meditate, exercise, eat well, and attend multiple group and individual therapies.

I aim to make this the last time I have to put my life on hold for my depression.