Rally The Troops
/I am more emotional that I expected to be in writing this piece. I am surfing those emotional waves because it is important that I say “thank you” to all of my friends and supporters who took a few moments out of their day yesterday to make mine better. After stringing together seventeen good days, I finally woke up and felt depression climbing on top of me.
Oddly, I was relieved once I realized why I couldn’t get out of bed. For over two weeks I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. In my weekly meeting with my therapist, I confided that I wanted a depressed day so I could see if I could work my way out of my mind and into my day in a positive fashion.
After spending an extra two hours in bed, I roused myself; edit — my cat, Holiday, pestered me until I refilled her somewhat empty food bowl. Then I crafted my morning brew while listening to a speech by Seth Andrews. Cradling my coffee cup, I moved into my office and sat down with The Daily Stoic for a philosophy lesson for the day. It was a quote from Epictetus:
Who then is invincible? The one who cannot be upset by anything outside their reasoned choice.
In my depressed, yet caffeinated state I equally loathed and felt inspired by the idea that I can develop invincibility against outside terrors and internal suffering. Then I made a choice that drastically changed my entire day. I posted this message on Facebook:
I did not wait to see if anyone would send me a message. I had to separate this new action and what I knew to be effective in improving my thinking. Here are the DBT skills I used for the next hour:
TIPP body chemistry - I took a shower with searing water to relax the tension in my body and wash away my thoughts with sensation.
IMPROVE the moment - While getting ready, I played Oh The Larceny, a band one of my treatment friends recommended.
Text my sister - We are each other’s emotional support animal.
Another cup of coffee - My mind was down, might as well give it a boost with some high-grade caffeine.
Distract cat with laser pointer - Always an enjoyable activity!
All of this took about an hour, and then I fired up Facebook to see what kind of support my message generated.
…
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…sorry, I needed a moment to wipe my eyes. Phew. Okay. Now I’m ready:
Well over a hundred people sent me notes of encouragement. Some commented on my post, others messaged me on Facebook, and a bunch texted me. I was struck dumb for a few minutes. “This many people care about me?”
You see, a hallmark symptom of depression is its ability to make a person feel totally alone. Intellectually, I know I have a deep bench of friends that wish me good health and want me to do well in life. When the parasite of depression latches onto my mind, it leeches out all the feeling of connection that I have with other people. This is why I isolate. Because there is a massive gulf between knowing people care and feeling people care.
This experience of combining DBT skills with reading all these loving and beautiful messages will stick with me forever. It will sustain me on future dark days, and I have been encouraged by the words of my friends to reach out more frequently when I feel myself slipping into my dark crevasses. Once more, with my whole being:
