Treatment No. 6

It’s weird typing with an IV in my arm, a blood pressure cuff around my other arm, and EEG leads on my chest. I’m propped up in a bed waiting to be wheeled into the ECT suite, and I’m hungry.

You’re required to fast from midnight through the treatment. I understand the medical need to avoid any complications with the anesthesia, but I’m a recovering depressive; it’s a b_____ to stay mentally positive on an empty stomach! So I’m a touch cranky, not unwarranted I don’t think.

Soon I will have treatment number six, which is the starting range where most people report improvement in their mood, increase in willpower, and a decrease in suicidal thinking. So far I’ve responded well, but I’m not sure what I’ll feel after this treatment. I doubt I’ll come out of it dancing, but I’m hopeful that my mood will become more evidently positive to the people around me. I’m grateful to be feeling hopeful again. That is a tiny improvement that has tremendous upside in my overall quality of life.

Pausing to get electrocuted. I’ll check back in when I have full use of my faculties.

——————

It’s the day after my treatment. I spent most of yesterday asleep or very nearly asleep. More of an anesthesia hangover than I’ve grown accustomed to. I fell asleep at lunch, at meditation class, and as soon as I got back to our group home. I woke up twelve hours later quite well-rested, and in a happy mood.

Being in a more positive mood is a good sign. I have another treatment tomorrow, and then the doctors will start evaluating how to step down the treatments. I’m astonished at how much better I feel after two full weeks of ECT treatments. I was just about catatonic early last month and now I can converse with people.

Hooray for improvement!