One of the better strategies I’ve come across in battling mental illness is to integrate healthy mindsets into daily activities. Driving happens to be a regular occurrence for most Americans, and I’ve often found myself in my car for longer than I spent on the field when officiating a lacrosse game in another state. This time is an excellent opportunity to practice “attentive relaxation”. I don’t want to be so stressed while driving that I white-knuckle the steering wheel until I reach my destination. Similarly, I don’t want to be so comfortable behind the wheel that I don’t perceive hazards because my mind is wandering.

My objective when I get behind the wheel is to get to my destination as safely and as smoothly as possible. That requires a peculiar combination of focus, calmness, and self-awareness. Have I been angry and stressed with my hands on the wheel? Absolutely. Have I been anxious before turning the ignition? Without a doubt. Have I found myself in my driveway with zero recollection of the trip from where I started? Scarily, yes.

The maximum human running speed is approximately 28mph, and that was set by Usain Bolt in 2009. Since most of us are not olympic sprinters, we can safely lower that upper limit to that which mere mortals can attain - somewhere under 10mph. Now ask yourself what the lowest speed limit sign you’ve seen is. Probably 25mph while in residential neighborhoods, right? We don’t give it much thought, but most drivers operate at a speed far beyond the average speed of olympic sprinters. That is a tremendous amount of speed that is completely blasé for pretty much every driver on the planet. So much so that all of us grind our teeth in irritation when we’re forced to slow down, which is really, really odd because anything over 10mph is faster than most humans can go on their own power. As the philosopher Ricky Bobby said: “I wanna go fast!”

We all want to get to our destination, but how many of us consider the manner in which we journey? This is the question I try to keep in mind when I drive. The vast majority of the mistakes I’ve made in life were the result of too much speed coupled with not enough thought. Driving with attentive relaxation allows me to regularly practice a mindset that increases the likelihood that I’ll make better choices. In therapy this is known as “mindful ________”. Mindful eating, mindful drinking, mindful walking, mindful coloring. Don’t let the word “mindful” trip you up. In this context all it means is to pay attention to whatever it is you’re doing. Somewhat stunning that we’re rediscovering the importance of paying attention in our culture, but that is a topic for another post. What’s important is that paying attention is a learnable skill, and driving provides ample opportunities for practice. The problem that inhibits quality practice is our potential reactions to other drivers.

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” George Carlin is a national treasure, and he makes a striking point about perception. Driving can easily piss a person off because the majority of Americans rate themselves as above-average in their driving skills. Setting aside the mathematical impossibility of this observation, if most people believe they are better than others at driving and they witness people they believe are below-average drivers, they’re going to feel frustration, irritation, and anger. The book “Traffic: Why We Drive The Way We Do,” by Tom Vanderbilt elucidates why these emotions are so prevalent on the road: “We all want to be individuals on the road, but smooth-flowing traffic requires conformity. We want all the lights to be green, unless we are on the intersecting road, in which case we want those lights to be green. We want little traffic on our own street but a convenient ten-lane highway blazing just nearby. We all wish the other person would not drive, so that our trip would be faster. What’s best for us on the road is often not best for everyone else, and vice versa.”

Driving is an activity that can easily skew my mind to the negative. Therefore, it is a perfect activity for practicing methods to think more clearly, relax, and develop courtesy to others. Here’s what I try to do each time I sit behind the wheel:

• Seatbelt on! (safety never takes a holiday)

• 3-5 deep belly breaths before turning on the ignition to release tension in my body and trigger the parasympathetic nervous system.

• I choose upbeat music in the morning if I feel subdued, but usually morning and longer drives are reserved for podcasts or a comedy special. I play music that relaxes me on my drive home after work or lacrosse games.

• My phone is on the backseat or inside my center console — out of reach.

  • If you don’t know about the dangers of distracted driving, don’t leave your house until you listen to Molly Welch:

    • facebook.com/asecondlater

    • linkedin.com/in/welchmolly

    • twitter.com/asecondlater

• The only gesture I permit myself is a friendly wave. Nothing remotely threatening or accusatory (finger pointing, the one finger salute) is directed to another driver because I have no idea what that small sign of aggression will spark in another person.

• I actively look for anyone driving quickly coming up behind me. I’d rather I change lanes early and safely well in advance of a speeding vehicle than that speeder having to weave around me.

• Finally, if I feel especially rushed I’ll stay in the right-hand lane and stay behind a slow moving truck or other large vehicle. This does three things:

  • My speed is dictated by the slower vehicle in front of me.

  • Intentionally choosing slowness puts me in a frame of mind where I’m not rushing my decisions. This sets me up for better decision making throughout the rest of my day.

  • I don’t really save any significant amount of time by speeding.

Attentive relaxation is a skill. Driving is a skill. Thinking clearly is a skill. All of these skills can be practiced every time you get into your car. Make a commitment to yourself and to your fellow motorists that you’ll drive safely, in a relaxed state of mind, and in a courteous manner.