Being in Limbo

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People prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty.” - Virginia Satir

Our imagination, easily one of our greatest powers, can just as easily become the bane of our existence. All because we can imagine the very worst happening to us and our loved ones. Consider Mark Twain’s quote: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” Our ability to peer into the future, to make plans and consider consequences is what puts the “wise” in “Homo Sapiens,” latin for: “wise man.” Unfortunately, that ability can cause near limitless pain and suffering because of what we permit to manifest in our minds.

Sphere (1998) is one of my all-time favorite psychological thrillers. Starring Dustin Hoffman, Sharon Stone, and Samuel L. Jackson, it takes place in an underwater, deep-sea research facility where an alien shipwreck was discovered. The protagonists find a golden sphere deep in the bowels of the wreckage, and then the plot begins to move away from sci-fi and into psychology. See, any human that steps into the sphere is granted the power to manifest whatever they imagine.

Sounds great right? That’s the twist.

Each character manifests only their worst nightmares. Partly because those are the most powerful ideas in their minds, but more because the characters have no real control over their minds. What seems like the greatest power in the universe — unlimited wishes — turns into a curse due to a lack of control.

While we are not stuck at the bottom of the sea floor, we are at home and, if you’re anything like me, you’ve found yourself stuck in your head. What are you permitting yourself to think about?

I’m in limbo professionally because I recently resigned. I do not know what type of job I’ll be able to land, or even if I’ll be able to find a job before depleting my savings. In short, I’m easily predisposed to be miserable because of how uncertain life feels to me. What’s worse, my depression and anxiety make it even more likely that I’ll create thoughts that cause me to feel even worse. My mind is doing what Virginia Satir said it would — discovering new ways to be miserable because when the mind doesn’t feel safe, it’s prudent to imagine the very worst possible things happening; just to be prepared.

Well, I’ve lived that reality for more years that I care to admit. While I may not have complete control over my thoughts, I’ve learned that I am responsible for them nonetheless. I am responsible for the attention I give one thought over the other, and I must deal with the consequences of manifesting negative thoughts more regularly than positive thoughts. I may not have the power to wish my ideas into existence, but there is a great amount of room in my mind where I can be more positive if I choose.

Here’s an example of a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy exercise I use to root out my negative thoughts:

  • THOUGHT

    • I will never find a fulfilling job that allows me to live well.

  • COGNITIVE DISTORTION(S)

    • Future telling and emotional reasoning.

  • TRUTH CHALLENGE

    • I just started searching for new jobs.

    • I have an exceptional resume.

    • It will take time to find something that I would enjoy doing.

    • I am not a job (or lack of a job).

Curious about what the different cognitive distortions are? Check out the following videos: