An Opportunity for Improvement

Part of me hates being here. Hates being confined to a residential living facility while attending group therapy sessions with folks young and old. Hates being told, in no uncertain terms, that I am not quite ready for real life, so this simulacrum of life will need to do until I am able to demonstrate mastery of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, mindfulness, and reign in my brain’s worst impulses toward self-harm and suicide.

I must get over this part of me that wants to whine and face the facts, which are:

• I self-harmed.

• I was not able to manage my work.

• I was not able to perform the duties that made up my daily life.

• I isolated from family and friends.

• I got away from the behaviors that improved my general well-being.

Now, I’m typing on a foreign keyboard on the second floor of an adult living facility in Atlanta. I go to the nurse’s window every morning and night to receive my medications. I fill out a DBT diary card that my treatment team uses to evaluate my day-to-day progress. And I write because I am afraid I’ll lose my mind if I don’t.

I read a book years ago called Insiders: Outsiders - Personal Journeys Through Depression, about a man who chronicled his daily experiences in a mental hospital. His endeavor to show what that world looks like is the inspiration for my Treatment Life blog posts.

I want to show people how those living with Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, and so many other disorders of the mind can improve through treatment. I also want to show just how simple these treatments are. Much of the barrier that comes from talking about mental health is due to a lack of knowledge coupled with a fear of the unknown.

People don’t want to think about their loved ones being in a treatment center. We want our friends and family members to be healthy, and diseases of the mind are complicated. As I teach coaches in my Agile Minds Workshops - the human brain has more connections between neurons than there are stars in the observable universe. Our minds are fantastically complex organic machines. It should come as less of a surprise to us when our minds do break down and fall into maladaptive modes of thought.

I have a unique opportunity here that I will not squander a second time: I get to spend a month just working on myself. I get to improve the depths of my patience and the extent of my attention. Through my writing I can give a little bit of insight into how certain therapies work to improve the fortitude of the mentally ill. If you’d like to join me on my research outside of the classes I’m taking, I encourage you to click the book cover below. I’ll be writing about DBT, CBT, ideas from classes and conversations, apps that I’m using to improve my odds of a longer recovery, and links to guided meditations and other resources that I come across which I find useful.

Post your questions in the comment box at the end of this post or email me at gcorsetti@mentallyagile.com.