Poisoning The Well

This will be a poor article.

Partly because I am in a significant depressive episode, and partly because I am exhausted. Even though I slept for 12 hours last night, 10 hours the night before, and spent all of last Saturday in bed - I’m drained.

My mood this september.

My mood this september.

This entire month has been up and down. I cannot shake the feeling that my life is imploding. All the logical arguments are insignificant against the perceived reality of my depressed mind.

I also know exactly what I am supposed to do to feel better. I haven’t done them. No hot baths, no nutritious food, no going outside. Instead, lots of sleep. Blissful oblivion. The mind off. Then I wake and my body weighs a thousand pounds.

If the mind is a well of pristine water then depressed thoughts are tar. Sticky, heavy, and able to foul the entire supply.

At this point I need to call in the cavalry. Here’s what I have planned:

  • Phone call with my therapist today.

  • TMS consult with a local provider in two weeks.

  • In-person session with my therapist in three weeks.

For the remainder of today, I need to:

  1. Eat something that is good for me. (currently in progress).

  2. Shave.

  3. Move the remaining furniture into my new apartment and organize stuff.

These slumps are part of my life. They do not always correlate to an outside event, and they do not last a predictable amount of time. What I try to hold onto is that historically, I am 100% successful in getting out of these slumps.