The Ship of Gordon
/I know my monsters, and I know the actions and mindsets that combine to hurt me and the life I’m continually working to build.
Read MoreStepping up with Sigma Chi
I know my monsters, and I know the actions and mindsets that combine to hurt me and the life I’m continually working to build.
Read MoreMondays and Thursdays are my best days, but Tuesdays afternoons and Saturday evenings are difficult for me.
February and March are when I feel the very best, but I tend to slip into a mild depression at the end of the lacrosse season in May.
I am more productive in the summer, but I am usually affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD, in the late fall.
How do I know all this? I tracked my mood twice a day for two years with an app, iMoodJournal. Every week, I reviewed the data and noted low and high days. Then I recalled what happened on those days, and, very slowly, the bigger picture revealed itself to me.
Before I tracked my mood, I assumed that my depressive episodes were sporadic and random. Because of that, I further assumed that they were beyond my control. I felt trapped in a mental “fog of war,” a term that means, “uncertainty regarding one's own capability, adversary capability, and adversary intent during an engagement, operation, or campaign.”
It is terrifying, stumbling around in the dark; knowing an enemy lurks nearby. It is even more terrifying when the enemy is your own mind.
After my hospitalization in the fall of 2016, I decided to map my mind as well as I could. iMoodJournal and PocketCBT were tools I used to spy on my internal enemy that was intent on doing me harm.
By identifying the times when depression or anxiety were most likely to launch an assault; I had time to dig a mental foxhole.
I could gather supplies and call in reinforcements. All of this gave me the mental ability to say to my depression and anxiety:
I do not win every battle, but I no longer feel like I’m losing the war. There is immense psychological relief that comes from preparation. Whether that is rehearsing a presentation, doing breathing exercises, or telling your friends, “It’s almost winter, I may need you on some bad days,” you bolster your defenses.
While we cannot control our circumstances, we can control our reaction to them. If we have a good idea of when circumstances will change, we can be prepared and be even more in control of ourselves.
Life on the 7th Shelf is my way of sharing how a person can live well with depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation.
The 7th Shelf was written by Dante in The Inferno, as the Wood of the Suicides.
For me, living on the 7th shelf is challenging but I have found my means for winning the daily battle against the worst my mind can throw at me.
We aim to create a space of hope, filled with resources, information, tools, and more for mental health awareness and suicide prevention. We’re committed to Gordon’s vision of sharing different methods of thinking to help those with and without mental illness live more fulfilling lives.
Contact us
corsetti007@me.com
Call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for help. In an emergency, please call 911.
If you or someone you know is seeking help for mental health concerns, visit the National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI) website, or call 1-800-950-NAMI(6264).
For confidential treatment referrals, visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website, or call the National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP(4357).