Planning for Panic

Some back-of-the-envelope calculations indicated that the probability was high for a panic attack to hit me yesterday. I am pleased to report that my forecast was correct. Yoga friends of mine might be shocked that I assessed an elevated likelihood of a panic attack, and consequently put that thought into the universe. If we learned anything from The Secret: it’s to only put positive things into the universe so that one can reap the rewards of such thinking.

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If you ascribe to this particular philosophy, giving the universe negative thoughts is akin to volunteering for a colonoscopy when one is neither required nor recommended - unpleasant experiences are headed your way.

The not-so-secret secret of The Secret is that The Secret is the pinnacle of a towering pile of pseudoscientific cow dung that mars the good work of those in the wellness industry. I am not convinced that the universe knows I exist, nor do I believe that it would manifest my desires if it did. Okay, I’ve ranted enough about a movie released in 2007; let’s return to my assessment of likely panic.

The factors to be analyzed:

  • I would be bussed to an auditorium 10 minutes from the office with only a handful of coworkers that I knew well. The rest lie just below stranger and just above acquaintance.

  • There would be anywhere from 450-600 people in the auditorium.

  • Loud music would likely be played.

Placed inside small confines with a majority of people I do not know, transported to a place I have never been, seated amongst several hundred people, and add in loud noises and you get a near-perfect recipe for a panic attack. Only ingredients missing were strobe lights and a clown.

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Fortunately, my brain (your’s too!) evolved to excel at long-range planning. By putting my little grey cells to use as M. Hercule Poirot regularly encouraged I could boost the odds in my favor.

  • I asked permission to drive myself and a coworker to the auditorium, providing both an easier transition and an escape route under my control.

  • I meditated for fifteen minutes ahead of the scheduled meeting.

  • During the meeting I practiced circle breathing.

It took ninety minutes before I felt the first sensations of how I experience panic attacks - tingling electricity running from my elbows to my fingertips. I stayed in the auditorium for another few minutes. Attempting to control my runaway breath while accumulating mental repetitions.

What is a mental repetition? My phrase for enduring an unpleasant mental state for a short period of time while constantly reminding myself that I am not my thoughts and that this too shall pass.

When I could take no more I walked out of the auditorium, an easy task since I sat next to the aisle (thinking ahead), and went to a quiet corner of the building to meditate on anxiety through my Headspace subscription. Then I finished with a single round of Wim Hof Power Breathing.

If fear is a river; I did well to float along the rushing current.

Curious about meditation? My formal introduction was through Andy Puddicombe and his organization, Headspace. They maintain a mobile app, and are offering 40% off their monthly fee until August 19th. Click the banner below if you’d like to sign up. I’m not a paid sponsor of Headspace; and you can register for free to get a taste.