The Stigma of Mental Illness - Part 3 of 3

I did not attempt suicide because I was depressed. I tried to end my life because of unbearable shame.

To paraphrase Thomas Joiner, a person’s risk of suicide increases with a corresponding increase in the belief that they are a burden to others and a decrease in perceived belongingness. If a person gains confidence in their ability to self-harm, then the risk of suicide becomes even greater.

You’ll notice that “being sad” is not a variable in his equation for suicide risk. That is because it IS NOT about being sad. We all get sad. We get the blues. We feel down.

Then our friends take us out, or our mother calls and we feel a little better.

Imagine how awful you would feel if you were grieving the loss of someone close to you, and you had no one to talk with. Even worse, you feel compelled to keep your feelings a secret because you do not want to burden other people with your problems.

When someone dies, every culture on Earth has their own process for grieving as an individual and as a community.

When someone gets physically sick, they are cared for by friends, family, and professionals if needed.

When someone is mentally ill, they are ostracized. They are whispered about. They are taken out of public view.

We are social creatures. Our roots are our family, our friends, branches, and our work and interests are the leaves.

Imagine, feeling no pleasure in your work or your favorite hobby… the leaves wither and fall.

Imagine, being compelled by distorted thinking that you cannot tell your friends… the branches become brittle.

Imagine, lying to your closest family members because you cannot bear causing them pain… the roots shrivel.

Eventually, you become a shell of your former self. Standing tall for the world to see, but your supporting structures are gone, and one more storm might take you down for good.

We see this most harshly in our primate relatives because of psychologist Harry Harlow. His experiments are explored in-depth in the book Love at Goon Park: Harry Harlow and the Science of Affection. His most famous experiment was with infant rhesus monkeys confined to a cage with two fake mothers. One mother was made of wire mesh and had a bottle of milk. The other mother had no milk, but was covered in soft fur.

The prevailing idea of the time was that children only needed physical sustenance from their parents to develop into healthy adults. Harlow’s experiments destroyed that idea because the young monkeys spent nearly all their time cuddling the soft mother with no milk, and briefly leaving the comforting mommy to climb on the wire mother to drink.

The visual equivalent of the effect of mental illness stigma.

A lesser known experiment by Harlow was known, by him, as The Pit of Despair. This is a truly horrific experiment.

He would take an infant from its mother at birth, and put it in an inverted triangular enclosure. The walls were sloped at an extreme angle so the monkey could never climb out. It grew up in an environment with no parenting or socialization; only food and the slow, cold realization that it could never change it’s circumstances.

This is a striking example of how a primate with no one to talk to, and no way to talk, cowers away from everything.

After a time, the monkey would be placed in an enclosure with many monkeys. They huddled in the corner, cried, and shook themselves.

Forced isolation created an animal that lived entirely in fear. Even worse, the socialized “normal” monkeys picked on the fearful monkey; increasing it’s terror and further decreasing any likelihood that it could ever socialize normally.

This is a compelling example of how badly social primates can be hurt by the inability to talk. I share these pictures because they are revolting. As the viewer, we feel such an outpouring of concern for such a sad and fearful creature.

We can feel this for a rhesus monkey in a cage, but not a human being in the cage of an ill mind. Stigma prevents us, and it prevents those suffering from seeking treatment. Lest they become a burden to those they care about.

So the young boy closes his closest door and loops a belt around his neck.

The father drives to a bridge and jumps.

The teenage girl draws a bath and slits her wrists.

All because they did not believe they could talk to anyone.

https://www.curestigma.org/

Reminders for Better Living

When a general returned to Rome following a victorious campaign, he paraded through the city with great pomp and circumstance.

It was customary for a slave gladiator, known as an Auriga, to whisper in the general’s ear: “Memento homo”.

Remember, you are but a man.

I suppose the modern-day corollary would be for the Golden State Warriors to hire someone to whisper in Steph Curry’s ear, “You are only a man,” while he hoists the NBA championship trophy.

It is a sobering statement in moments of victory. A reminder that we all came from dust, and to the dust we shall return. Our victories, our accolades, our possessions - nothing we do or accumulate will follow us in death, and pride, as Proverbs tells us, "goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." While celebrating an accomplishment, it is of immense value to remember that a recent victory does not mean victory in perpetuity.

Today, though, it is fortunately impossible to forcibly compel a fellow human to give you reminders, and it is cumbersome to hire a person to stand next to you all day. However, we have devices that are always nearby and frequently checked. They can be used to remind us to think differently, to consider our choices, and to help us live the life we most want to live.

I like the quote, “Confine Yourself to the Present” by Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius. I have it as the first section of my work binder, incorporated into my computer wallpaper, and my good friend Kevin Forrester even turned the quote into a work of art!

Having a reminder that I see multiple times a day, helps me combat my brain’s default mode of negative thinking. I can easily slip into a poor frame of mind, and it takes vigilance to keep my mind in an attitude that helps me live my life in my way.

Whether our devices are slaves to us, or are we slaves to our devices, is a question I will tackle in a different article. For now, I like taking a quote from 1,800 years ago and welding it with 21st century technology to keep me focused in a meaningful way.

If you would like a simple, and stoic wallpaper reminder for your computer or mobile device; you can download mine below.

Mobile Wallpaper

Desktop Wallpaper

Mental Health Memes

I love memes. They’re great fun, and a great delivery system for just about any kind of message. However, there is a darker side to memes that we need to respect, and that is their tendency to reduce complex ideas down to something pithy and memorable.

Leaving us with examples like this sage advice from the 16th President of the United States of America.

Good advice? Absolutely.

Correct attribution? Doubtful.

Memorable? Certainly.

Memes are the hieroglyphics of our age, and I hope someone prints them out and stuffs them in a time capsule because it will leave future archaeologists incredibly confused.

A friend shared this meme with me recently.

As memes go, it’s a pretty good one. Strong typeface font against a stark, black background, and memorable celebrity names.

It packs a punch full of pixels, but I do not agree with the creator’s point.

“So, let me say this really loud so the people in the back of the room can hear me… Sometimes you need to check on those who seem the strongest.”

The tone is remarkably condescending, and I do not care for it.

Even worse, there is no attribution for these quotes. That is one significant downside of memes, you can make anyone say anything and it looks like they said it.

I took the liberty of hunting down these quotes.

• Robin William’s friends:

  • I cannot find quotes from his friends that match exactly what the meme states.

  • I did find this from Ben Stiller, which I felt was pretty close: “His kindness and generosity is what I think of. How kind he was to anyone who wanted to connect with him. And he could not help but be funny all the time.”

• Kate Spade’s Father really said:

  • "The last I talked with her, the night before last, she was happy planning a trip to California to look at colleges. She doted on her daughter."

• Anthony Bourdain’s best friend, Eric Ripert:

  • "He was an exceptional human being, so inspiring and generous. One of the great storytellers of our time who connected with so many.”

Back to how the meme ends, I strongly disagree with the tone of the creator’s point, and I disagree with the proffered advice because it lacks specificity.

https://afsp.org/find-support/when-someone-is-at-risk/

“You need to check on…” can mean anything; so it inevitably means nothing. To one person, it might mean text. To another, it might mean to sign commitment papers.

The meme is written to encourage people to reach out to those who may be suffering from mental illness and thinking about suicide. I applaud the objective, but I condemn the effort.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine.” How most conversations will end.

“Do you have a plan to end your life?”

“…”

“I’m worried, are you thinking of ending your life by suicide?”

“…”

“Please, talk to me, I’m here, do you have any plans to hurt yourself?”

“…well, I wouldn’t say a plan, exactly. Well, maybe…” How a specific question can tease out plans.

It took my fictional person three tries to get an answer, and in reality it may take forty tries. But if you are concerned about a loved one’s safety, then it helps to get specific.

Now, I am not about to argue in the negative without providing an example of something better. Here is my take on an improved meme:

The Stigma of Mental Illness - Part 2

What is it that makes us fearful of the unknown? The strange? The other?

It makes sense that most of us are frightened of large predators, poisonous animals, deep bodies of water, and exceptional heights. All of those things could cause us significant bodily harm, or even death.

But why be afraid of another human? We share 99.9% of our DNA with one another! The answer lies in our evolutionary past.

We are naturally fearful of what we cannot see. We descended from hunter-gatherers who assumed that every rustling sound in the bushes indicated the presence of a bigger, badder animal. We did not descend from those that thought, “I’m sure it’s nothing.” Because those humans were eaten.

“Did anyone else hear that?”

Today, most of humanity can reasonably assume that they are not at risk to being lunch for a saber-tooth tiger. The fear of the unseen did not go extinct; it developed into the fear of the unseen in others.

We humans are equally adept at crafting stories and placing blame. As a result we found differences and exploited them to feel safe:

“Dear me… that one thinks he’s Napoleon!”

• Justifications for Slavery

• Salem Witch Trials

• Touring the Mentally Ill in Hospitals

• The Holocaust

• Rwandan Genocide

There is a deep-seated, human reason for calling “other” people names. It allows us to immediately declare that WE are not THEM. As a result, we feel safe, superior, and entitled to take liberties.

When I go off the rails
I hurt my self not you
I curl up in my bed
A snail within the shell
When I am depressed
I don’t rise up off my sofa
Let alone become a danger
Manned with an axe
To chop up you
When my brain is racing
From one thing to the next
I haven’t the space or time
To bother anyone other
So relax
When I’m up
I am creative
Making, painting a must
I become one possessed
But not with you
Stigma wielding man
My juices too precious to waste
On hydrating your prejudice
I have an illness
It is not contagious
And not the all of me
So if you cannot accept
Or treat me with a little respect
Then at the very least
Zip your mouth
Don’t tell me what’s best
Or simply to pull my self together
I am not curtains
And I do not care to be patronised
By your ignorance
Yes I’m talking to you
The uninformed jury
Assuming fear as fact
Remember one day it may
Be your reality too.
- Rachel Blake

Germans became “Krauts”, Japanese became “Japs”, Russians became “Reds”.

Mentally ill becomes “crazy”.

Schizophrenic becomes “dangerous”.

Depression becomes “lazy”.

Anxiety becomes “weak”.

We are wired to be afraid of that which we believe is different. Stigmatizing something or someone is a natural, human activity.

That said, we should feel comfortable relegating that urge to the dust bin of history. We are growing out of our childish understanding of the world. If a child in middle school can comprehend the basics of atomic structure; surely that child can also be taught that .1% is insignificant when compared to 99.9%.

The real question is, will we grow out of the childhood of our species or will we follow our baser instincts?

https://makeitok.org/take-the-pledge

Mental Agility Workshops

“The mind can go either direction under stress—toward positive or toward negative: on or off. Think of it as a spectrum whose extremes are unconsciousness at the negative end and hyperconsciousness at the positive end. The way the mind will lean under stress is strongly influenced by training.” - Frank Herbert

I detest the phrase “mental toughness.” I find it lacking.

It is used to falsely empower both kids and adults with the idea that they must endure whatever they face, regardless of the potential damage to be inflicted upon them. This phrase has also spawned many other, and equally useless, phrases:

“I got this, just keep piling stuff on me.” - Atlas

• Life is hard, get a helmet

• Be a man (for young boys)

• Be more assertive, but don’t be bossy (for young girls)

• Tough it out

• Suck it up

• Deal with it

• Other people have it worse

I think we say these things because our grandparents told our parents, our parents told us, and now we, in turn, tell the next generation.

The unsaid part is to continue doing whatever it is you are doing. Don’t think, just do. Don’t take advantage of your brain, the most complicated organ found in any animal species on this planet. Just put your head down, get tough, and you will pull through.

This advice may be practical at certain times in life, but it is by no means a panacea.

I’ve been punched in the face before. Plenty of times in kickboxing. Not once did my instructor tell me, “That’s kickboxing, tough it out.” Instead, he taught me how to move, how to evade, how to counterattack. I would absorb some damage while bobbing and weaving, but I worked to maximize damage against my opponent, while minimizing damage to myself.

What if, instead of “mental toughness,” we taught Mental Agility? The development of a nimble mind that can quickly adapt to changing circumstances using a combination of breath work, body awareness, meditation, mindfulness, journaling and visualization.

If a business organization taught these skills, their workers would be able to adapt to a changing market.

If a sports team were taught these skills, their competitive advantage would increase over other teams.

If a person learned these skills, they can put down the helmet that everyone said is needed to get through life.

I have a plan for workshops geared toward professionals, student-athletes, and individuals. At these workshops people will learn how the brain works, what the stress response is, how to hack the mind, and how to use their body to influence their mental state for the better.

For my permanent recovery from mental illness, I only use what works. I’ve done the research, read the studies, and integrated many different disciplines into my daily life in order to keep my depressed, anxious, and suicidal thoughts to manageable levels.

Since these mind hacks work for someone with a severe mental illness, they will work for anyone.